Rural Ruminations

God chose to create everything in six days, so He could rest on the seventh. It’s not well-known (it isn’t), that in order to finish on time, He had to use sub-contractors. Well, how else can you explain the giraffe?

The poor beast needs that neck to reach leaves in tall trees. See, I would have created shorter trees. Since then, many subbies have worked much like that… A giraffe only sleeps a couple of hours, just like country folks.

It has a 14-15 months pregnancy and produces a baby that can be six feet tall. What? The tallest known giraffe stood at 19 feet 2 inches. Being that tall gets you a free look at the Rugby World Cup final in 2011, but obviously has some disadvantages, like the flu season, f’rinstance.

I’m actually more concerned about the subbies who created the insects. I want an investigation into the designer of the Weta.

Only found in our neat little country (it is), the Weta has outlived the dinosaurs. Many of those dinosaurs died of fright when confronted by the Cave Weta.

A giraffe only sleeps a couple of hours, just like country folks. It has a 14-15 month pregnancy and produces babies six feet tall.

At 18 months Mr Weta selects Ms Weta. They muck about (they do) for six months. She then lays between 100-300 eggs (and you thought you had a big family…), which hatch 3-5 months later. By that time both parents have moved to the dark, dank cave in the sky.

So who screwed up that design? The Giant Weta is a gentle giant. If surprised by you or me (yeah right!) it raises its spikey back legs. What? It’s a heavy beastie and a vegetarian, so it won’t bite and can’t jump far, giving us time to flee, screaming about its total unloveliness!

The most successful of the species is called The Weta Workshop. It has won five Academy Awards so far. God did decide that since one has to be pretty tough to wake up in the morning and eyeball the odd Weta snooping about, that it should live in the country, where the tough people live.

Townies would barely survive the experience. And, speaking of the American Presidential Election, as a long-time, dedicated Maverick myself, I am thrilled to see a Maverick running for that office. Even better, he chose another Maverick, from a tiny town in the frozen north of the USA.

Betterer still, she is a lady Maverick (a Maverickesse perhaps) who was immediately attacked by the loony left for being a mother, wife, politician, reformer and small-town girl (Heaven forbid)! ‘She can’t do all of that at once!’ they screamed. You have to worry...

You country girls do that like, daily, right? Those accusatory commentators, for whom chewing gum and walking at the same time would be onerous, couldn’t understand how one girl person could do a hundred things at the same time, and still make real decisions.

Republican presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, comes from one of the great lifestyle blocks… Alaska. Apart from fishing, and hunting, and cleaning up corruption, she manages a Governorship, a family and a new baby. And right alongside her, is husband, Todd. You see, in out-of-town places, the boys and the girls work together.

In town, they mostly get divorced… Till next month then. What’s for dinner, dear? Caribou steak? Yummy.