I do not like the cold. At all. Ever. And the Great Urban Ark is Very Cold at the moment. In fact the Government announcement of plans to subsidise the reinsulation of New Zealand homes was met with a somewhat icy “can they do it NOW?” from the resident pre-teen. 

Indian Runner ducks used to be called Penguin ducks but they prefer the summer.

After spending a couple of very chilly weeks trying to tell ourselves that two oil heaters were sufficient to heat a 200m2 house we finally conceded and bought some firewood. This decision was met with relief by the slobradogs, cats, and offspring – all of which were getting sick of being swathed in blankets – and unnerving enthusiasm by the wood seller. 

The Man of The House is trying valiantly to eke out the wood supplies but is losing the battle against pets, kids and editors and has been recently seen eyeing up the Silver Birch in the front yard....

If we are feeling it indoors it is nothing compared to what is being felt down in the yard. 

The Henny Penny Gang are so miffed with the cold they have not only gone off the lay but have decided the best spot to be on the entire section is on the slate steps at the front of the house. These warm up in the sun and retain the heat for quite some time. 

Of course getting in and out of the house when your front step is covered in poultry is not always that easy – or safe for that matter. 

Apart from the real danger of falling over a chicken, THPG are not exactly housetrained (or steptrained for that matter) and you have to be careful when avoiding falling over the girls to not step in a large dollop of chicken poo, slipping and landing on the very bird you were trying to avoid. 

And don’t get me started on the mess it makes when one of the two legged residents walks in said poo and then into the house, only noticing when someone over the age of 20 screams, “what on earth IS that all the way up the stairs?” 

The Indian Runners don’t like THPG taking up residence on the steps either. 

Firstly because Scooter and Wobbles like to sit there themselves. 

Secondly they are just a teensy bit scared of THPG and would much prefer it if the girls took themselves off to the end of the garden and scratched up my freshly planted alyssum as they normally do. 

I suspect the Runners think the chooks are a bit wussy when it comes to the cold as for some reason the chook water never freezes over while the ducks’ favourite bowl regularly turns into a miniature skating rink (I don’t know why that one bowl freezes – maybe its shape is wrong or something?). 

This never fails to leave Wobbles nonplussed to discover that instead of drinking all she can manage is a passable Woody Woodpecker impersonation.  It usually takes her a good five minutes to figure out the other bowl is available – and she always gets a surprise when she finds THAT bowl ISN’T frozen.  Wobbles isn’t very bright.

So, once you have the animals and kids away for the night why not snuggle up by the fire and have a look through Rural Living.  We are thrilled to have Brian back on board and announcing the winner of his Name The Foal competition. 

We also take a look at Legal and Planning obligations as well as wastewater management.  There are also some great new stories which couldn’t fit in the paper up on our website at www.ruralliving.co.nz – make sure you go check us out.  Oh and if you are into Social Networking why not send us a tweet – you can find us on Twitter as RuralLiving and we’d love to hear from you.

So, until next month, stay well, stay safe, stay happy and stay WARM.